Breakup Blues

I usually speak to you about a relationship that I was THRILLED to get out of, but I know that isn’t the case for most breakups. I speak a lot about the hardships of abuse, but I don’t want you to think for a second that any type of heartbreak is more painful than another. Relationships end amicably, relationships end over time, relationships end without fighting, and I think that the heartbreak from all of them hurts the same. 

I’ve never gone through a breakup and not felt like my entire world was ending. In high school, I was always the one being broken up with; it was always on the phone at night and always ended with me crying and crawling into my parents' bed. The bottom line is, the rejection hurts, loneliness hurts, and the second-guessing hurts. Every breakup I had been through before college felt like I was losing the person I was really supposed to be with; it’s laughable now but at the time those feelings were all I ever knew. 

I lived in a constant state of feeling like I just wasn’t good enough. The boys liked me, but not enough to stay. They thought I was pretty, but there wasn’t anything redeeming enough about me as a person that made them want to be in relationships with me. I will flat out tell you right now, that is wrong and those boys were stupid, but that doesn't take away from the hurt at the time. My view on relationships changed a lot when I started dating again as a survivor, but I understand that it's not necessarily common for everyone to go through a major trauma, heal themselves, and have this huge cathartic realization that they actually do know how to love. It’s more common to love and learn; to get heartbroken and be miserable but then fall in love and have it happen all over again. I suppose I'm lucky in some weird messed-up way that I got to experience it all. 

My inevitable point is that it’s supposed to hurt. You’re supposed to feel lonely and lost and hopeless without that person. It may not always be like that, but it’s the kind of pain that’s good; it keeps you in check and reminds you that you’re human. If you can have so many feelings for the wrong person, just imagine all the feelings you’ll have for the right one. 

And, until that right one comes along, the post-breakup time is for you. Take a little time to bask in your misery; take the day off and cry and watch your favorite movie and have all the sweet treats. Reward yourself for giving your trust and never blame yourself for giving it to the wrong person. Every breakup is a lesson and an opportunity for growth. Make your routines, get to know yourself, and find your clarity; Your only focus post-breakup should be you. 

… Hold on until next month for more on post-breakup clarity ;)