top of page

Starting to Bloom

Writer's picture: "K""K"

This spring we embraced the theme of April showers bring May flowers; we got into all the nitty-gritty and difficult parts of relationships (and breakups) so that this month we can explore all of the incredible growth that comes after. To start off this theme of beauty after darkness, we’re talking about that moment when you finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and realize that there can be growth after trauma.

I think my journey was a little unconventional. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and then ended up driving into a bigger, scarier, darker tunnel… BUT THAT IS OKAY. Leaving abusive relationships is going to look so different than a normal breakup, and any post-breakup complications, some stalking in my case, are going to change that healing journey even more. So please keep in mind that the journey is going to look different for everyone, and just because you feel like you’re going through more tunnels and crossing more bridges than others, doesn't mean you’re not making amazing progress.

Simply getting out of the relationship was this ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ moment for me. I felt so stuck for so long so when I finally had the courage to stand my ground and leave I felt amazing. For the first time in so long, I felt like I was finally taking control of my own life. That’s when I drove into the next, much scarier, tunnel. Dealing with the effects of stalking felt completely out of my control; I had no idea how I was supposed to feel strong and confident when I had been completely stripped of my power and left without any sense of security. I was single but I didn’t feel like I could do anything independently. Even after going to court, I felt misunderstood and completely out of control.

I found power in putting the pieces together. I spent a lot of time reflecting on the relationship and realized a lot of things that hurt me even more; I realized how he was so manipulative and how I fell for it, why I was vulnerable and how he took advantage of that. This process was incredibly painful and resulted in a lot of self-blame, but it was the first step in taking back what had happened to me. He did bad things. I was vulnerable to his manipulation because of how fragile other relationships had made me. He used the things I shared with him against me. As much as it hurt me, it allowed me to put things into perspective; I would never have to be that fragile again and I wouldn’t let this make me vulnerable to anyone else who would try to mistreat me.

I was learning more about myself but I don’t think I fully saw that growth until I was in my next relationship. I met him unexpectedly and was still trying to heal, so the last thing I wanted at the time was a relationship; I was repulsed by men, repulsed by the thought of anyone getting to know me, and adamant that I wanted to be by myself. I couldn’t resist him. Even though I was fighting to resist it, I had feelings for him, which I never thought would happen to me again.

Now I look back and can’t believe the progress I’ve made. I wake up every day knowing that my relationship is a choice I make willingly and happily, knowing that I make my choices for only myself, and knowing that I got out of a place that once seemed hopeless. There is a light at the end of even the darkest tunnels, even if it's your third, or fourth, or fifth tunnel in a row and you're absolutely exhausted, know that you will get there.


5 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


Subscribe To Get Exclusive Updates

Thanks for subscribing!

© 2023 MK Prevention Services

bottom of page